I actually prefer posts like these ones - I think they’re more “useful” and valuable to others than we think they are 🥰 Thank you for following your intuition and taking the time to write it and share yourself this way. I actually read it out loud to myself while sitting in my car and enjoyed every word.
I'm facing something similar myself. The need to hold on so tight to stability, to what feels secure. But these past few weeks have me facing something like a crisis of sorts, a sudden realisation that I'm in a place that isn't for me or that I keep holding onto things just because I'm used to them and not because they bring me joy or peace or are what I really like. And so now I'm on that road to rediscovering what it is that I want.
I think my fear is always holding me back. For example in writing, I want to challenge myself to develop my voice or to write a certain way. But I'm always afraid of being vulnerabe or afraid of what other people might say. And so I hide in my shell until I realise it's no longer who I am, and then I get dissatisfied all over again. The learning process is rough and challenging and sometimes even scary, but I'm a little hopeful about what it's teaching me.
Oooh boy do I relate to this. A tough summer last year resulting in therapy...the packing up and moving far away without an ounce of fear...wondering where all that bravery went...holding on to things that I know are no longer serving me... If I could, I would invite you out for a glass of wine, 'cause we could TALK.
I hope you're doing better Jennifer. Life can be tough and when we acknowledge that, we might be a little kinder to ourselves. I'd love a chat like that, but make it a lemonade or tea please as I don't drink alcohol ;)
Yes, much better! I've been unlearning things that I used to take for granted. And amazing how a little kindness goes a long way. It doesn't have to be something you only reserve for others. And deal! I know a place that makes the best lavender lemonade!
Thanks Marloes! Je stukken helpen mij om het lef te hebben om meer naar mezelf te luisteren. En geven woorden aan de behoefte af en toe alleen te zijn. Dat maakt het makkelijker om uit te leggen aan anderen. En sterkt mij om die tijd `gewoon` te nemen.
Truly an exceptional piece of writing - I was hooked- the part about needing the time and space alone to recharge and take care of only yourself resonated for me . As a mother of a young child to a 67 year old I have always treasured and benefited from this gift to myself !
Thank you Heather! I think women in particularly have a hard time allowing themselves time of their own. I don't know whether this is by nature or nurture, but I see it a lot in my fellow females. I think time to restore your sense of self is key to feel whole again. I'm so happy to hear you've been doing this for yourself, for so many years already.
Marloes, this is a wonderful piece. I was hooked at scones and clotted cream and I loved reading this so much. I grew up in the midland and we visited the Peak District for days out and I love the scenery there and further north. I miss it. I long to go away on my own and just be by myself too, no because I don’t love my husband and family, just because I long for peace and quiet without obligation and responsibility. Thank you for sharing freely, there’s SO much value here in your words for us, about listening to our body, about letting go of things we’ve outgrown about what’s useful 💛💛💛
Also would you mind if I painted that horse photo in my sketchbook? It’s begging me to! I would of course give you reference photo credit. But also totally cool if not. 🥰
Yes, absolutely, go ahead! Isn't it great when a picture inspired you to draw? These horses were always just outside my little pig shed. Their field was a right of way, and you could walk past them. They were so gentle!
I love being by myself, and I find it so interesting that people think you have a 'bad' relationship when you don't want to attached to the hip with your partner 24/7. Having a good relationship with myself is needed in order to be in a healthy relationship with my partner. I honestly believe more people could do with some time apart from their partner/family in order to tune into their own needs again.
I’m so up for stream of consciousness writing, Marloes, and this was great!! I feel like I have got to know you a little better too. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through. Learning to pace myself and balance my energy will be one of my lifelong battles too. Probably it is an artistic trait - perhaps, anyway!
Have an AMAZING retreat!! If you pass by Cambridge, come and say hi! Xx
That's what it's called, 'stream on conscious writing'! I was looking for the right words. And it truly is wonderful to read that you got to know me a bit better. I should do this more often then, because I feel that if we let people into our minds a bit more, we grow more compassionate for each other.
I'd love to come to Cambridge again one day. I don't think I'll manage this time, but I have so many fond memories of it. I've been telling Bram he would love it too. If I visit, I will surely tell you and I'd love to have a coffee with you.
This was so beautifully written. Kind of life my life at the moment, no structure but somewhere something is definitely taking shape. I feel like I am kind of in the same boat as you Marlos, I am starting to question whether the frequent burnout that accompanies my career is even worth it or not. But, I struggle to stop as well, even though I can foresee that it’s not heading in the right direction. Taking small steps to make sure that I take care of myself in the best possible way so this came at the right time🫂
"But, I struggle to stop as well, even though I can foresee that it’s not heading in the right direction." This is so tricky, isn't it? It has everything to do with the patterns we've built for ourselves, even when they're harmful. I am terribly bad at taking small steps though, I know they'd help very much. What kind of job/field are you in right now, if I may ask?
"I love being by myself because I can wake up when I want to, go to bed when I’m tired, eat when I’m hungry, and do whatever I need in that moment. When I’m with someone, even with my partner, I’m not attuned to my own needs. I disconnect myself and go along with what others need."
OMG. This stopped me in my tracks. I feel this so much. I am busy busy busy making sure everyone else's needs are met and I so often don't take enough care of my own. But that always feels so selfish.
But I'm starting to break down...I really have to address this too.
I'm glad it stopped you in your tracks, as that's a sign you might need this too :)
If you notice yourself breaking down, hit the brakes if you can. Honestly, I wish I did it sooner. Maybe you can take evenings off to do something for you. It can be as simple as a walk around town.
Wat een mooi stuk weer, en ook zo herkenbaar. Ik leer de laatste jaren dat bepaalde situaties die niet voor je werken (omdat ze onveilig zijn, je ongelukkig maken, instabiel zijn, niet bij je passen) uiteindelijk toch ergens in je brein veilig voelen omdat dat is hoe je het nu gewend bent. En als mens hou je toch snel vast aan dingen die je kent. En dat is natuurlijk helemaal onlogisch, maar het onbewuste brein doet nu eenmaal soms onlogische dingen :). Mij helpt het om me daar af en toe bewust van te zijn
Bewust zijn van het onbewuste is inderdaad belangrijk :) Dat vind ik ook fijn aan therapie, dat iemand je woorden herhaalt en je vraagt: "waarom denk je dat je dat doet?".
I actually prefer posts like these ones - I think they’re more “useful” and valuable to others than we think they are 🥰 Thank you for following your intuition and taking the time to write it and share yourself this way. I actually read it out loud to myself while sitting in my car and enjoyed every word.
I'm facing something similar myself. The need to hold on so tight to stability, to what feels secure. But these past few weeks have me facing something like a crisis of sorts, a sudden realisation that I'm in a place that isn't for me or that I keep holding onto things just because I'm used to them and not because they bring me joy or peace or are what I really like. And so now I'm on that road to rediscovering what it is that I want.
That sounds exciting and scary at the same time, Alyssa! What have you found so far?
I think my fear is always holding me back. For example in writing, I want to challenge myself to develop my voice or to write a certain way. But I'm always afraid of being vulnerabe or afraid of what other people might say. And so I hide in my shell until I realise it's no longer who I am, and then I get dissatisfied all over again. The learning process is rough and challenging and sometimes even scary, but I'm a little hopeful about what it's teaching me.
Oooh boy do I relate to this. A tough summer last year resulting in therapy...the packing up and moving far away without an ounce of fear...wondering where all that bravery went...holding on to things that I know are no longer serving me... If I could, I would invite you out for a glass of wine, 'cause we could TALK.
I hope you're doing better Jennifer. Life can be tough and when we acknowledge that, we might be a little kinder to ourselves. I'd love a chat like that, but make it a lemonade or tea please as I don't drink alcohol ;)
Yes, much better! I've been unlearning things that I used to take for granted. And amazing how a little kindness goes a long way. It doesn't have to be something you only reserve for others. And deal! I know a place that makes the best lavender lemonade!
Thanks Marloes! Je stukken helpen mij om het lef te hebben om meer naar mezelf te luisteren. En geven woorden aan de behoefte af en toe alleen te zijn. Dat maakt het makkelijker om uit te leggen aan anderen. En sterkt mij om die tijd `gewoon` te nemen.
Het is je recht als mens om tijd te hebben om naar jezelf te komen, Truus <3
Thank you for your Thoughts Marloes, i understand myself better while reading your personal insights as well.
That's such a touching compliment, thanks!
Truly an exceptional piece of writing - I was hooked- the part about needing the time and space alone to recharge and take care of only yourself resonated for me . As a mother of a young child to a 67 year old I have always treasured and benefited from this gift to myself !
Thank you Heather! I think women in particularly have a hard time allowing themselves time of their own. I don't know whether this is by nature or nurture, but I see it a lot in my fellow females. I think time to restore your sense of self is key to feel whole again. I'm so happy to hear you've been doing this for yourself, for so many years already.
Marloes, this is a wonderful piece. I was hooked at scones and clotted cream and I loved reading this so much. I grew up in the midland and we visited the Peak District for days out and I love the scenery there and further north. I miss it. I long to go away on my own and just be by myself too, no because I don’t love my husband and family, just because I long for peace and quiet without obligation and responsibility. Thank you for sharing freely, there’s SO much value here in your words for us, about listening to our body, about letting go of things we’ve outgrown about what’s useful 💛💛💛
That's really encouraging to hear, thanks Emily!
Mooi en eerlijk. En je altijd naar andere mensen voegen, is heel herkenbaar. Geniet van je me-time!
I much prefer reading posts that are casual and unstructured. They feel more like a letter to a friend. It has more soul. Thank you...
To be honest, I like reading these kind of post better too. But somehow I had the idea in my head that I have to write more structured.
This resonates so much with what I'm experiencing in the last months (years?). So it's very useful to see I'm not the only one!
Here for the stream of consciousness writing! Thanks for sharing your raw thoughts and feelings 🤗💖✨
Also would you mind if I painted that horse photo in my sketchbook? It’s begging me to! I would of course give you reference photo credit. But also totally cool if not. 🥰
Yes, absolutely, go ahead! Isn't it great when a picture inspired you to draw? These horses were always just outside my little pig shed. Their field was a right of way, and you could walk past them. They were so gentle!
That sounds amazing, and thank you so much! 🤗💖✨
Alone-time is so important! Since half a year now I'm living part-time on my own and it has done me and my relationships a world of good!
I love being by myself, and I find it so interesting that people think you have a 'bad' relationship when you don't want to attached to the hip with your partner 24/7. Having a good relationship with myself is needed in order to be in a healthy relationship with my partner. I honestly believe more people could do with some time apart from their partner/family in order to tune into their own needs again.
I’m so up for stream of consciousness writing, Marloes, and this was great!! I feel like I have got to know you a little better too. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through. Learning to pace myself and balance my energy will be one of my lifelong battles too. Probably it is an artistic trait - perhaps, anyway!
Have an AMAZING retreat!! If you pass by Cambridge, come and say hi! Xx
That's what it's called, 'stream on conscious writing'! I was looking for the right words. And it truly is wonderful to read that you got to know me a bit better. I should do this more often then, because I feel that if we let people into our minds a bit more, we grow more compassionate for each other.
I'd love to come to Cambridge again one day. I don't think I'll manage this time, but I have so many fond memories of it. I've been telling Bram he would love it too. If I visit, I will surely tell you and I'd love to have a coffee with you.
Deffo let me know if you come another time! And in the meantime, have an amazing break on Yorkshire!!
And totally agree about the compassion! Xx
This was so beautifully written. Kind of life my life at the moment, no structure but somewhere something is definitely taking shape. I feel like I am kind of in the same boat as you Marlos, I am starting to question whether the frequent burnout that accompanies my career is even worth it or not. But, I struggle to stop as well, even though I can foresee that it’s not heading in the right direction. Taking small steps to make sure that I take care of myself in the best possible way so this came at the right time🫂
Thanks Mansi!
"But, I struggle to stop as well, even though I can foresee that it’s not heading in the right direction." This is so tricky, isn't it? It has everything to do with the patterns we've built for ourselves, even when they're harmful. I am terribly bad at taking small steps though, I know they'd help very much. What kind of job/field are you in right now, if I may ask?
"I love being by myself because I can wake up when I want to, go to bed when I’m tired, eat when I’m hungry, and do whatever I need in that moment. When I’m with someone, even with my partner, I’m not attuned to my own needs. I disconnect myself and go along with what others need."
OMG. This stopped me in my tracks. I feel this so much. I am busy busy busy making sure everyone else's needs are met and I so often don't take enough care of my own. But that always feels so selfish.
But I'm starting to break down...I really have to address this too.
I'm glad it stopped you in your tracks, as that's a sign you might need this too :)
If you notice yourself breaking down, hit the brakes if you can. Honestly, I wish I did it sooner. Maybe you can take evenings off to do something for you. It can be as simple as a walk around town.
Wat een mooi stuk weer, en ook zo herkenbaar. Ik leer de laatste jaren dat bepaalde situaties die niet voor je werken (omdat ze onveilig zijn, je ongelukkig maken, instabiel zijn, niet bij je passen) uiteindelijk toch ergens in je brein veilig voelen omdat dat is hoe je het nu gewend bent. En als mens hou je toch snel vast aan dingen die je kent. En dat is natuurlijk helemaal onlogisch, maar het onbewuste brein doet nu eenmaal soms onlogische dingen :). Mij helpt het om me daar af en toe bewust van te zijn
Bewust zijn van het onbewuste is inderdaad belangrijk :) Dat vind ik ook fijn aan therapie, dat iemand je woorden herhaalt en je vraagt: "waarom denk je dat je dat doet?".