A life of one's own beyond work
Don't postpone living your life any longer.
The first part of this post is accessible to all, in which I’ll share some insights I had this week. The second part is for paid subscribers: it’s more personal and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with everyone who has access to the internet.
This week has been a pile-up of emotions and books. I tend to buy books to find answers to my problems. Books are my solace. By buying a book, I buy myself a bit of peace of mind. Until the book arrives, I know in my gut it won’t.
When I cry more than usual AND I buy new books—while my to-read pile is bigger than ever—I know something’s up and I need to pay attention.
I pile up unpleasant feelings until they spurt out in the form of anger, distress, tiredness, and sobbing.
While listening to an interview with author Robert Green on the podcast Diary of a CEO, I understood my feelings better. I really enjoy listening to the host Steven Bartlett, who’s a young businessman and has a gentle kindness to him. I knew of Robert Greene already because I’m reading his book The Daily Laws right now (I haven’t finished the book yet, and have some mixed feelings about it, so I can’t say I recommend it yet).
In the podcast, Robert mentions that he wanted to write a book called Sublime about the things in life that make you feel alive. For him, this was running and morning swims (amongst other things, I’m sure). If I understood correctly, he got an offer to write a book with rapper 50 Cents, so he stopped working on the book that meant so much to him, thinking he would write Sublime after he finished the other book. A few months after the book was published and he was ready to continue Sublime, he had a stroke. From the interview I gathered Robert is physically impaired since then and can’t go on his morning swims or go running. He mentions that if he hadn’t been stressed out over the book, he wouldn’t have forgotten his medicine, and he probably would have never had a stroke. Whether that’s true or not, we’ll never know. But it made me think because it’s exactly what I do with my work.
When walking is faster than paying for a train ticket
For the past decade (at least), I’ve been saying that I will get to make my own work—my own books, my own paintings—when I’ve finished my deadlines. But deadlines are never-ending, unless you put a stop to them.
After listening to the podcast, the video below was suggested to me on YouTube. Sometimes it is useful that the internet spies on you, I suppose.
Quick disclaimer: I’ve never seen any of their videos before, but this one resonated so much with me that I had to share it with you.
The bit that gave me goosebumps1 was where they mention Henry David Thoreau and his idea2 about travelling by foot or by train (around 2:25).
The train might be much quicker than going by foot, but in order to be able to go by train, you need to buy a ticket, which costs x amount of money, for which you have to work. If the amount of time you have to work for that money outweighs the time you save by travelling by train, it’s not worth it. A train-travel metaphor is used, but you can apply this to life in general.
Maybe you are lucky and have a job that is the core reason why you’re here on earth, in which you’ve found your purpose and are able to pay for living your life with it. But realistically, most jobs are a means to an end, and that’s okay. But when your job is supposed to provide for living and it doesn’t do that? You have a conflict that needs to be solved.
Taking short breaks from an addiction doesn’t work
Making a list of ‘my essentials for a good life’, as was mentioned in the video, I came to the conclusion that it’s the same for me. I just don’t get around to living life according to my principles.
My life is mostly about working, and I am addicted to it for various reasons. It’s like quitting cigarettes on Friday evenings to have weekends without smoking, but all weekend you feel jittery and long desperately for a cigarette, and feeling relieved you can start again on Monday.
It’s the same for me with work. After a week of manic work, a weekend isn’t always enough to return to my body and feel connected to myself again. On weekends, I look for ways to satisfy my addiction to work and feeling useful by writing blog posts or posting on social media, instead of looking inward at what I need. I fear I can’t provide in my own needs.
To break up with my addiction, each year I go on holiday for multiple weeks. Often, people tell me how luxurious it is. And they’re right! I feel massively privileged I get to do that. But if I don’t do it, I work around the clock all year. I know a two-week holiday consists one week of kicking the habit of my work addiction, then about three days of peace, and then at least two days of worrying about the work I have to do when I get back.
But instead of going on holiday for several weeks each year, I want to create a more sustainable life where work is a means to provide time to live.