What my subconscious wants to paint

Intuitive painting is helping me to get back to my creative core.

I’d like to think I’m a very down-to-earth kind of person. No woo-woo for me please.
Yet, here I am with five other people, dancing to music with lyrics about being part of a tree, waving my arms like tree branches in the wind, and LOVING it.
After the dancing we meditate for a while, retreating deep into ourselves. Then, we start to paint. You paint whatever comes up for you. When you get stuck, the instructor guides you by asking questions.

I ended up dancing like a tree because I was talking to a friend, and told her that I felt disconnected from my creativity. I had been working for others for so long that I didn’t know what -I- wanted to create anymore. That friend recommended intuitive painting, so I signed up.

For me, the sessions can be quite intense. My true feelings are beneath a thin layer of see-through paper, so it doesn’t take much to reach them, but I do have trouble reaching them by myself. That’s why these sessions helped me a lot, it was that nudge I needed.

I joined several sessions in 2021, but when the burnout took me over completely, I stopped. Two weeks ago I joined again, and it feels different this time: it’s a bit harder to let go but I think that’s because I feel the need to protect my feelings. Still, it’s helping me to process thoughts and feelings that I usually swipe under the rug, and helps me connect to my creative core again.

It doesn’t matter that the paintings are completely bonkers: I love them. Some of them are about pain and hurt, some are filled with joy and happiness, but they are all me.

Oftentimes I have no idea why I’m painting what I’m painting. I don’t understand the polar bear with the carrot in its mouth and that’s okay. I painted a triangle (like you see in the game The Sims, but in gold) again and again in several paintings and after talking through it with the instructor, I finally understand what it means: my need for autonomy.
I already knew I could process my feelings and thoughts through writing, but doing it in painting adds a wonderful new dimension to it.