Is Instagram holding me back?

Contemplating whether my once-beloved platform is still working for my work.

I enjoy being in a bookshop. They make me feel calm. The people are quiet, and often there’s just a hint of music in the background.

I had wandered around for a while when I came to the poetry section. My hand floated over the shelf until it hovered over Pam Ayres’ On Animals. I took it from the shelf and flipped through it. It’s beautifully illustrated by Ellie Snowdon. Typically British, I’d say. Black pen outlines and watercolours.
I was lushing over the beautifully designed book with soothing illustrations when suddenly a thought popped up in my head. ‘What if I delete my Instagram account? Or delete all my posts?’.

What a random thought. How did I get there?

It might have been lingering in my mind since I read

Emma Gannon

’s recent post on her stepping away from Instagram (paywalled post). Reading about her decision felt so freeing. And ever since I heard

Astrid Bracke

on the Art Juice podcast about marketing without social media, I have been intrigued.

I built my career on Instagram

Instagram has done so much for me as an introverted creative professional. When I became a freelance illustrator in 2010, it was still quite common to print out a physical version of your portfolio and make appointments with publishers. I opted for posting my work on Instagram, which was brand new back then. I was on it at the right time, and within seven years I grew a decent ‘following’ (I genuinely hate that word though) and didn't need a website for the first twelve years of my career. All (yes, a whopping hundred percent) of my jobs came through Instagram.

But social media isn’t what it used to be. I know I sound like an eighty-year-old woman talking about the good old days, but it’s true. It’s hard to get a foot in the door now, and quite frankly, social media is completely oversaturated.
I have lovely ‘followers’ though. I’m in a kind bubble, where people are still nice to each other (most of the time), and they are incredibly supportive of my work. I feel very grateful that it is still working for me.
But I can’t deny it: I don’t enjoy being there as much as I used to. Often, a ‘quick’ (aka 45-minute) scroll leaves me unfulfilled and worrying whether I’m on the right path. I see many peers going one way or another, which makes me wonder if what I’m doing is good enough. A quick scroll can make me feel drained, uninspired, and doubting what I know in my heart to be right.

I want to start afresh

Standing in that bookshop with the lovely illustrated book in my hands, I felt that this is the kind of work I want to be making, but I feel my Instagram account is gatekeeping me from doing so. That’s why I felt I needed to start afresh and not be bound by what I had made in the past.
I’ve been posting since late 2010, so it’s an archive of basically my whole illustration career. It has hand lettering on it from when I still did that for magazines and books, my first illustrated books, and the diary comics I did for years (and which helped me grow the account).
Emptying out the account kind of feels like burning all my memories and photos of who I used to be. It feels quite radical. I wouldn’t be who I am today without all that, but I’m at a point where I feel stuck. I can’t move forward because my previous work is holding me in place. I often hear that people miss my diary comics, for example, and it makes me feel awkward. I want to please people and give them what they want, but I also want to give myself space to figure out what -I- want. I want to go back to my core without people reminding me what they loved before, but I don’t want to create anymore. I want to feel unattached to my previous self and creations. Past performance is no guarantee of future returns; that kind of thing.

Quality over quantity

Recently I was asked to do an interesting illustration job. I spend many hours cooking up a proper job proposal, as it was quite a project. I asked a really fair price for my work too. A week later I got an email saying they went with another illustrator, as my social media audience wasn’t big or fitting enough.
If I’m totally honest, I want to make good art, do good work and not work as an influencer. It’s just not for me.
Another reason I feel social media is about quantity and not quality. The older I get, the more I want to invest my time in long reads and work that takes time, instead of snapshots and quick bites. I want to serve complete meals instead of snacks.

I’m not the person I was ten years ago, and I’m not even the person I was last year. A lot has happened since then, and I feel it’s time to move on. Maybe the urge to clear out my Instagram account is just symbolic, like shedding my old skin to make room for new work and ideas. Perhaps I can move on without burning the old memories, but it often does feel like dragging a big suitcase with stuff I don’t need anymore.

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